taken a back

I gave my husband a glamor shot of me from my early 20s for Valentines Day. And recently he was taking about how confident I looked, and how sexy that confidence was. 

Fast-forward to today. 

I have a meeting at the college to hopefully get more help with schooling. So I wanted to look nice and not like the frumpy mild aged house wife I am. So I put on make up, and I wore a blazer. That's it. I had my hair brushed smooth and tied back and wore eye liner and lip liner that I usually blend with just chapstick.

When I got home, feeling on top of the world and full of that same confidence he said was sexy, I grabbed him by his lapels and pulled him in for a kiss. When he saw my face he pulled back.

Apparently I reminded him of someone else. Someone who went back to college and started dressing differently and wearing make up and changing her hair. Telling him that she was going to school to better their lives. To help provide for the family they were building. Then left him once she had her degree. 

How can I ever mend that wound? How do I get him to understand that we aren't BUILDING a family. We have already BUILT our family. And that with therapy and proper medication, it's an amazing one. I feel better, I'm more active, and I finally have the gumption to go back to school and get a useful degree. Because I don't want him to be stressed about being the only income. 

I wish she hadn't so brutally broken his trust. It makes it harder for him to not feel wary when I am suddenly changing too. I'm trying to change to make us better.