Have you ever done something that is so impossibly hard, but you did it? But then found out that it's not actually possible so you're embarrassed for trying at all? 

Yeah, that's me. I finally called to make an appointment with a local counseling office. Only to find out AFTER the stupid intake questions that include "why are you calling us" and then find out you can't actually afford that copay, because its over $100...

Yeah. Then you're embarrassed at answering all those questions. Of reaching out and asking for help. Because now they know you need it, but you can't afford it. But now you also can't hide it. Embarrassing to say the least. And then. When I put my phone down to just cry in embarrassment and frustration I accidentally called them back so they could hear me. Just kill me now 

I am miserable. My husband swears he doesn't think I'm a bad mom but constantly points out how "normal" people do things better than I do. And likes to constantly point out my flaws. 

I'm seriously to the point of wishing I would just die. At least then he could find a "normal" wife who could be a better mother to my kids. Or maybe I should give the kids to my friend who can't have them and go live under a bridge. I know she's a better mom than me and my kids deserve that.