value

We all wanted to be valued for who we are.

So do you value ME? The real me. The person I am when you get nothing from me. Or do you value the fact that I agreed to be your wife. Do you value ME or as the person you expect to cook for you. Clean for you. Provide sex for you. Emotional support for you. Care for your children. Etc.

If you value ME then you will care if I am happy. If I feel complete. You will encourage me to do what makes me feel complete. You will ask me how my day was. Not be mad I worked when you wanted me to stay home. Not expecting me to do everything to care for our family when I worked all day. You do not come home from work and make food for the kids and change diapers. You eat and relax. Why  I not entitled to the same thing every other week on the one day i get to work outside the house? Why am I not entitled to work that one day every week? I don't understand how I am supposed to feel valued and complete when it feels like my only worth to others is what I do for them or they get from me.

needs

I am a mother. And a wife. This means I have people I am responsible for caring for. And don't try the whole "your husband can help" shit. He doesn't really. I care for 90% of his needs, yes, grudgingly, and 90+% of the children's needs. Until recently I was taking care of his father's needs too. 

But no one takes care of MY needs. Not even me, most days. 

So when I am so worn down I finally admit to 2 needs I have that are unmet, and I finally make myself vulnerable to have them met, I end up being ghosted by my spouse. My "partner"

Who wants me to run everything past him, apparently. But who never listens when I tell him what I am planning to do. So when I do it, he's surprised and even upset. I really don't get it. 

But here I am. Alone. Needs unmet. Here is hoping I can fall asleep and my neck and back just relax on their own. That the tense muscles don't make my arms fall asleep so often I can't stay asleep. Again. But whatever. Who cares.