sleep debt

Me: *sleeps 11 hours straight*

Me: *wakes feeling heavy and weak and still tired* gawd, I'm so tired 

Husband: I thought I was doing you a favor by letting you get real sleep! Is it not working?

Me: *wanting to explain that a single night of real sleep doesn't negate 6 nights of shitty sleep* you are

lists

Do you ever just want to run away? 

Just leave and never come back because the pressure in life is too much and you can feel it crushing you.

Did you ever have a to do list a mile long, only to have your "partner" add more and more and more, refusing to take any of the tasks on himself? Instead putting such an impossible load on tour shoulders, and expecting only their tasks to be important,  to hell with your own goals.

This is how I feel all the time. I do all the work. I make all the calls, schedule all the appointments. Have to remember and take kids to doctors, make sure to wake him for any contractors. I have to clear out and move everything so contractors can work. All while packing for a vacation, all by myself. 

Oh, here is a new one. A task I have asked to be performed a dozen times. To the point of hiring a professional to do it, so it gets done, so I have one less thing on my list. But NOOOOOOO, that's too much money, they won't do anything we aren't already doing... YES THEY WILL! THEY WILL ACTUALLY FUCKING DO IT

 

but don't you love me?

Awe, won't you just do it because you love me?

Don't you love me enough to respect my boundaries? To take into consideration that my body reacts in utter revulsion?

Why do I have to do something I find revolting because I love you, but you can't live without something you like because you love me? 

Aren't we supposed to compromise and show love to each other? Why do I always feel like I'm doing all the compromising? All the actual work. Why do I have to do things I don't want simply because you do? And never the other way around?