I'm tired of being the strong one. I can't show my weakness to my husband, to tell him I'm tired of being. Of existence. I can't tell him I'm overwhelmed with the mountains of chores and daily tasks that no one really helps with. Not completely, always leaving half of it for me to finish. And fix the first half. I'm EXHAUSTED to the point that death looks like a relief. But if I try to share this HE goes into a depression and makes it all about him. And I'm tired of being the strong one. I'm tired of being the one who manages the finances and finds money to cover everything when someone spends more than the budget could handle (no one person, everyone does it) I'm tired of being the only one who folds clothes. SORTS CLOTHES. PUTS CLOTHES AWAY. Oh, you washed them? And then left several baskets of unsorted clothes heaped in front of the back door so your dad couldn't get in after work? Thanks. Now ****I**** am going to get YOUR lecture. ****I**** am going to hear about how MY idea of a sorting system is just in the way because YOU are too fucking lazy to put clothes in the sorting system.
I'm tired of taking care of an ungrateful old man. One who talks badly about me to anyone who will listen no matter how hard I try.
I'm tired of never sleeping. Yeah, I signed on for another baby. So it's all my fault. Well fuck you and your judgemental self because IM ALLOWED TO FEEL EXHAUSTED WHEN I CANT SLEEP.
You know what. No one would care about ME if I died. If I chose to just stop living. They would only see themselves. Oh woe is me. My mommy died. Oh woe is me, wife wife LEFT ME ALONE with all these kids I SAID I WANTED BUT WONT HELP WITH.
Oh, it must have been MY fault, IM a terrible person.
No one would even think "gosh, what must SHE have been feeling or going through that SHE thought this was the only answer?"
My feelings and needs are invisible, but all my mistakes are on blast 24/7
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