Saturday, December 19, 2020

exhausted

Why I'm not taking a shower.
I'm exhausted. I bathed the baby, and showered both the 2 and 4 year olds. After each bath/shower I dressed them. 
Now its supposed to be my turn. But I'm so tired from the effort of caring for them... But I'm so tired from having to carrying the 2 year old down the stairs...
I announce all 3 are officially clean and dressed and my husband says "now its time for mom and dad to get clean" with a glint in his eyes. 
"But you took a shower last night."
"I'm always willing to take a shower with you"
Which means he wants attention. And you know exactly what kind I'm talking about.
I am all out of effort to give. I am LITERALLY pouring from an empty cup. A stinky, sweaty, hasn't had access to the freaking shower in 5 freaking days, empty cup. 
And he will say its not obligatory. That he doesn't EXPECT the attention. But we both know thats a lie. He will be disappointed and unhappy if it doesn't happen. We both know it. So now I have to decide. Do I take a shower and continue to pour from the empty cup while desperately trying to refill it. Or go longer without a shower so I don't have to GIVE more of myself today. 

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