Selfish

Why are we expected to constantly give up on our needs and our own self care for others? Day after day after day. And we're not allowed to complain when daily things come up and prevent our self care. 

This keeps going and going and going to the point we lose ourselves, to the point we begin have emotional breakdowns. So we have to schedule that BIG self care moment. The time away from everything so we can finally have that break we need. 

Then, as we are holding on with our finger nails to sanity, just a day away from that break we need to rest, something big happens. Something bad. And if you voice how upset and disappointment you are about not getting to have the break you need for your sanity, you're selfish. You are so supremely selfish you are beyond redemption. So instead of voicing any of your own internal struggle you have to somehow muster more strength that you no longer have, to be strong for someone you love. Because they need you. Even though you have no more to give. Your cup isn't just empty, it's shattered, and you no longer get a chance to put it back together. Now, you have to calmly, kindly, give someone a sledgehammer to finish it off. 

I actually understand people who commit suicide now. It's not always that they are sad. Sometimes they have just given so much of themselves there is nothing left. No energy left to keep living. To keep giving.