We got the 401k loan to do the repairs to the house, as well as give it a face lift with new paint and a few upgrades. But then COVID19 hit. I was in Skagit county for my niece's party at Chuckie Cheese late in February. On my way home, I started listening to the news podcasts I had missed. And I started to panic. I had just been at an arcade in the heart of this thing and didn't even know it!
When I ovulated several days late, too late for me to have likely gotten pregnant, we decided to puta hold on trying to get pregnant. This just wasn't the time.
We decided to move forward with all our plans to repair the house, hoping things would go through quickly enough to get pre-approved for a loan while we finished listing the house. But delay after delay stopped that. But during it all I kept busy doing the things I could do to get our house ready to show. Decluttering, rearranging, deep cleaning, painting, landscaping, ECT.
I kept in mind that we may be here longer than we had intended now, but this is just a larger scale version of what I do each spring, this time hiring a contractor to take care of the larger repairs.
Well, my period didn't show. And it turns out we squeaked through the lowest probability window and it worked. Not the best timing, but we promised to leave the perfect timing to God.
We're sitting here, preparing for lock down and hoping the plumbers follow through with what they said they'd do before it happens, since having a tub that drains (new issues) and a gas line that doesn't leak (don't worry, it's turned off) is extremely important.
I'm trying to rearrange fast enough that I can make masks for my family, not perfect, but better than nothing. And to simply not go crazy with worry. My husband's work is considered essential, so he will not be home, and it means we will continue to be exposed to the households he works with, so this doesn't protect us. My back stock of bleach wipes (4 boys pee on toilets and floors) is running out, and I'm having to decide "should I bleach that pee puddle area, or save those wipes for door knobs and cart handles?"
Please don't think I'm complaining. We are so very blessed right now. My husband will keep working, so we won't lose everything we worked so hard for. We pulled his 401k loan just before the market crash hand those savings would have been greatly diminished. We have plenty of food, and thanks to my Amazon subscription for toilet paper and laundry detergent, we have plenty of those.
But I worry still.
I worry about a variety of things, whether or not my family will be safe during this time. Whether or not this pregnancy could put us all at increased risk by lowering my immune system. I worry that once everything IS over that we will be stuck in a house that already wasn't big enough, and definitely won't be once we add a new life.
I'm worried all across the spectrum. I'm worried morning sickness will hit before all the work *I* need to do to the house is finished. I worry I'll be too sick to be a good mom during these trying times.
I worry we will run out of food that is safe for my gluten intolerant kids and I to eat. Hell, just worried I'll run out of keto friendly foods, and that going back to my old ways of eating will make morning sickness worse.
I'm worried about my dearest friend who is pregnant and due in July. I'm worried that she was recently, potentially, exposed while visiting her mother.
I'm worried that SARS and MERS are associated with stillbirth. And I'm not just worried for me. I'm worried for that little niece she is carrying right now. I'm terrified of giving birth in a hospital in the fall, when they predict this will roll back around, even if it ends soon.
I think my heavy focus on staying the course with prepping the house to list is simply to distract me. Simply to stay busy so I don't panic. Because I really feel like panicking.
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